The Good Wife's Guide Busted

In honor of my 3rd wedding anniversary tomorrow- I thought I would give some marriage advice.

Have you seen a funny article from the 50s floating around on the internet about how to be a good wife? I came across it on Facebook and got a good laugh out of it. A laugh is about all I got- because most of the article is ridiculous. So I am blowing the whistle on it. I am busting this article.

Shayna's Good Wife's Guide.

• Article:Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

Shayna: Know your husband's favorite take out- just in case your day has been crazy. Which most likely it has been just as crazy as his. All that matters in the end- is he is fed. A sandwich will do fine. No need for a Thanksgiving feast every night. But if you are feeling really good- try a Pinterest recipe out on him, that way all that recipe pinning you have done doesn't go to waste. 

• Article: Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people

Shayna:This one isn't half bad. The ribbon may be overkill- but it is always good to look good for your man. But hopefully your man can deal with a weary looking wife- because those days will happen. 

Article: Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

Shayna: No one likes coming home to a grumpy spouse. A little smooching usually does the trick. Or our favorite thing to do is watch a funny show on Netflix to lift our spirits! 

Article: 

• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.

Shayna: No time to do the dishes? Throw them in the sink with some Dawn dish soap. Looks clean- smells clean. Spray some Febreeze and start your Scentsy warmer. If it smells clean it will distract from the clutter.  And lets be honest- hopefully your man is like mine and will kiss you and tell you no to worry about a messy house, that he will help you clean later. Now that is a man. 

Article: Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

Shayna: Give him a big wet smooch as he comes in. Smooches are the best greeting. 

Article: Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

Shayna: Expect him to be home on time- and if he isn't going to be home on time- expect a call/text. It is only polite.  And if he goes out- he best take you. Reese and I do everything together- we want to- we are best friends. 

Article: Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

Shayna: The best surprise is a yummy drink in the fridge after a long day. On your travels throughout the day pick him up a drink- he will love you forever. 

It isn't the 50's anymore- marriage is about sacrifice (from both partners) There are days were everything goes smoothly and he might just come

Home to fresh baked cookies. But then there are those days were everything had gone wrong and you don't need a man to nag- you need a man to squeeze you tight and make you forget about those days. 

I love being married. I get to wake up to my best friend everyday and smooch him whenever I want! 

And that man has lots of patience to be married to a crazy like me! ;)

Messy Bun Moms

I ran to Walmart tonight to grab a few last things for Easter dinner and our Easter egg hunt. (Rookie mistake- I know)

And I seriously looked homeless. But I needed to run to the store before it was Ruby's bedtime, and so I just decided to go and pray I didn't see anyone I knew. 

Luckily I didn't see anyone, but I was slightly embarrassed that real people (outside my family) saw me looking like that. 

And when I got home and actually looked at my appearance in the mirror, I was beyond embarrassed and then hoped no one paid attention to my sloppy look. But chances are, I'm going to be on people of Walmart tomorrow. 

You don't believe me huh? 

I took proof.

(Ha look at my T. rex arm )

And if you could see my pants(I use that term loosely since they were yoga leggings) - they were covered in diaper rash cream, dirt and

Ruby's snot. 

But then I got thinking about why I looked the way I did, and I began to smile. 

My hair was a mess, because I dedicated today to a work day around the house and yard. I didn't need to impress anyone. Ruby actually had a matching black head band and a messy bun. She wanted to look like me. (She thinks I'm pretty cool lol) 

My cheeks were red because I had spent the entire day outside in the sun working and playing with Ruby. 

My "pants" had peices of weeds, and dirt on them because I had been on the ground outside helping Reese build Ruby a trampoline for Easter. 

The diaper rash cream was because I was being mom and chased to toddler who was running around the house with a naked bum and caught her before she rubbed the cream all over the carpet, hence the butt print on my "pants" 

The boogers- well I'm a walking tissue. 

The bags under my eyes- we have been working nonstop trying to get our yard presentable for Easter dinner. Oh and the bags may be permentant because I have a toddler. ;)

The stickers all over my shirt were put there by Ruby while I was trying to keep her busy late night grocery shopping. So she didn't have a meltdown. 

So I guess I didn't look homeless. I looked like a mom. A mom who has been working in the yard all day, who has been playing with their toddler. 

So next time you see a mom in the store in yoga pants, and a messy bun. She isn't lazy. In fact- that is the uniform of a hard working woman. She gives and gives and her needs are totally pushed to the side. 

She has worked hard, and has played hard. 

Don't let that worn out look fool you-

She loves what she does. 

So when you see her singing wheels on the bus as she is pushing her toddler through the store, give her a high 5.

Cause messy bun moms-

They are rockstars.

Don't just react, interact.

Some people on Facebook live for the "likes". How many likes with this status get, or how many likes will the lastest selfie (that I filtered the crap out of because I look like a zombie) get?

Sally liked your photo. 

Sami liked your status. 

See a status- click like 

Marsha likes your witty comment on an article. 

See a baby picture- like the baby picture (even though you don't remember the kids name or how you met his mom for that matter.)

Like. Like. Like. 

That's it. 

Or is it? Now you can show a little more emotion and react to a picture. You can be sad, angry, love it, Etc.

There is emotion back in the

World of Facebook again. (Insert sarcasm here)

We might as well be robots talking  to robots. "Oh your grandma died- I don't know what to write, so I am going to react sad to your post"

Can you imagine if you were out in the real world and you were talking to someone and they would soley use their facial emotions to talk to you? No words.. Just a thumbs up or an angry brow thrown in the conversation every once in a while. 

That's how babies communicate. We are grown adults and all we can do with all the time we waste on FB is to "react" to people's posts. Gag me with a spoon. (Now that would be an appropriate reaction!) 

Remember the keyboard you have on your phone, no no- not the emoji keyboard you added in- the keyboard that came with your phone. The alphabet? There is a song? Is this ringing any bells?

Oh good- you found it. We are intelligent people, so why in the H are we going back to cave drawings to communicate. 

Now don't get me wrong, I love emojis- and I use them to enhance the SENTENCES and sometimes PARAGRAPHS that I text to people. Don't be shocked, people still type things out- stay with me. 

And sometimes I get lazy and reply with an emoji... It happens. 

And I'm not totally against the reaction thing on FB but if you are going to feel sad about my dog getting hit by a car... Use that little box that says "write a comment" and write one! If you love my photo- tell me why! 

I have a love/hate relationship with FB. Sometimes being a stay at home mom can be lonely and FB is a good way to stay in touch and feel like you are an adult for once- but lately- I have been having better conversations with my 2 year old than I am on FB. 

Why I am ranting? Mostly because it is my blog, and I want to. 

But also to challenge anyone who reads this (and pass the challenge along!)....

I challenge you for the next week, when you react to something on FB (of a Facebook friend)- comment. Tell them why you are reacting the way you are. Ask them a question, compliment them, etc.

But for the love, don't just "react" or use an emoji as an easy way out you hipster caveman (or woman). 

Communicate. Life will be happier if we spend a little extra time to know people we care. 

Interact, don't just react. 

Fake it to make it

Night showers are my new jam. I can take as long as I want, and Ruby is fast asleep so I don't have to worry about her hopping in. I'm a bath girl, but we lived without a tub for a month so I got used to showers.

Last night after a night shower I forgot to brush my hair leaving me with some crazy bedhead. I'm talking the type of bedhead that needs 4 different products and 30 mins of straightening to "fix". I wasn't in the mood today- I was just running errands so I attempted to pull it up. Epic fail. It was so crazy bun and kinky hairs piled on top of my head. 

I thought to myself "messy buns are a thing right?" 

So I decided to work with it. I hair sprayed it till there was a hole in the ozone and a film on my counter tops but it was t going anywhere. I added some hot pink lip stick to accent and decided I was going to fake it to make it. 

(Disclaimer: normal pics are difficult for me to take) 

I did it, I went and ran my errands and kept my head held high- while possibly looking like a nut job- but I did it. 

I've gotten good at faking it to make it. Not just with a messy bun but with my life. 

I've even thinking back on the past year. And it sucked. Of course I am blessed, so so blessed but that doesn't take away from what the last year has been. 

Some of you close to me may know the details of my bad year, but most of you may have never known how down I have been- faking it to make it. I don't want to be "that" friend who endless compains on FB, posting sad quotes and vague jabs at people or things. It's not that I don't want to talk about it, because I do. In a way- it is healing. And because I know my husband, sister, and close friends probably want to pinch my head off when I talk about it. But I don't feel like I can- it doesn't just involve me- it. Involves people I love, and because I know that no one will ever feel or understand what I feel. 

Sometimes I want to write a book- get all my feelings, thoughts and whatever the heck I want to say out there- to get it out of my brain. 

I want people to know reasons why I might be snappier, or more sad than normal- I want people to know why I start bawling in public when someone says just the right (or wrong) thing.

But really, the truth is, I'm not ready to broadcast my public life to the world-  so I will continue to be vague, and to fake  it till I make it. 

To tip or not to tip? That is the question.

I ran into town today to drop of my Redbox movie and to the bank. I decided that my car needed a little love- so I took it to a car wash. I paid $8 bucks for a wash, which to me- it should be a dang good wash!

The guy did a nice enough job, as he finished drying he stood looking at me through my window. I rolled it down, and thanked him. Then I drove away. 

I got thinking he acted funny when I said thank you. Then I realized- he was waiting for a tip. I paid $8 bucks for an okay wash- I wasn't going to give him the cash I had in my car (it was for a treat later). 

Then my mind started spinning. When do you know when to tip? I know the standards- the waitress, a cab driver, a hotel worker who does out of their way for you, the pizza guy, etc. 

But then there are some I am on the fence about. 

For example- the lady who hands me my Chinese take out? I feel like that is a perk about takeout- not having to tip.

Or the pedicure lady? 

Or my hairdresser? 

The girl who brings me my ice cream cone at Rupes when I drive up?

I was getting a pedicure a few years ago, and I wanted to tip the girl. She had young kids and did a good job. She told me- she doesn't get to keep the tips. They go to her boss. Her boss wasn't even present during the pedicure.

So I became skeptical about tipping- does the deserving person get to keep it? 

Yes I tip the normal places but when it comes to a pedicure or a car wash- I feel like I paid for a service- they provided the service- the end. They shouldn't be tipped if do a good job. They should always do a good job- it is there job to provide a service. I'm not expected to tip the cashier or the kid who bags my groceries- am I?? Oh now- my head is spinning. Should I carry 1s everywhere I go?? People will start to think I'm a stripper-( now that is someone people tip.) 

Money isn't coming out of my ears, though I wish it was! So I tip where I feel necessary but now I am beginning to wonder if I come off stingy! 

So who do you tip?

What are your tipping rules?

Moms of Walmart

You see that mom in Walmart, with the kid trying to jump of the top of the cart, screaming, boogers streaming down the face, and covered in cookie crumbs that were once used as bribery. The mom looks stressed, frantically trying to grab anything and everything off the shelves that maybe will be thrown together for some sort of meal. Her hair is a mess, something sticky is stick to her sweatshirt, and is possibly on the verge of a metal breakdown. Some give her sympathetic looks,  and other judgmental ones.

I was that mom today. I was that mom with the crabbiest kid on the planet, frantically trying to get my grocery shopping done. 

I am usually a pretty mellow mom, but after a episode at church yesterday which ended with Ruby and I in a dark mother's room with her pounding her head on the floor while throwing a fit- I have been a little stressed out. I came to the realization it is time to discipline my (sometimes not so) sweet one year old. And to be honest, I don't know where to start. 

Back on track-Walmart. I had everything working against me. Ruby is teething and is a complete bear, I hate grocery shopping, I hate Walmart.... the list goes on. 

And I just need to rant. 

There are so many old people at Walmart during the day, and so slow. Those motorized carts go slower than a snail- someone needs to put a turbo on them. 

People are inconsiderate. I have a baby who is trying to bungee  jump off the cart - I don't have time to sit and listen to you chit chat in front of the things I need to get to, and when I politely say "excuse me" don't act like I am the one being inconsiderate. 

Don't comment on my upset baby- I am well aware. 

To the lady checking me out- thank you for shoving the bags full of whatever and getting me out of the checkout line. I am happy to sort the groceries at home when Ruby is happily watching Bubble Guppies and I can slip out of my jeans and back into yoga pants. 

I was just happy I didn't run into anyone I knew, because if I did I think I would have asked them to hold me while I cried. 

Stores really need to be more kid friendly. Starting with buckles on the cart that hold my skinny baby in them. Maybe offer different sample snacks in each aisle? Along with caffeine and chocolate for mom? Maybe a person shopping assistant to entertain the baby? Are these things really too much to ask? 

I forgot some essential items I went to the store for. So tonight I went back solo, and stopped for a diet coke after. It was sort of magical. I came home and told Reese that I am never shopping during the day again. Old people are in bed, and so is Ruby. 

I know bad days will happen. I know crappy Walmart trips will happen. I know you will drop a glass on the floor occasionally having it smash into a million pieces (oh ya- that happened today too) But I love being a mom. I told Ruby she was lucky we get to spend so much time together, and she is! And so am I! Whether she believed me or not is another question. 

Moms are really awesome. We put up with some crazy things. Like poopy diapers that fall off and then require a shower and clothes change of 2 people. (yes, today too) But we are also the luckiest in the world. 

Cause at the end of a crazy day, we get this... 

And I would have 100 crazy days for 5 minutes of this. 

XOXO, 

That Crazy Walmart Mom

Why I'm Not "Whole"

I joined a holistic moms group on FB. I was really excited to collaborate with other moms and get ideas. I lasted about 3 weeks before I left the group. I guess I am no longer or maybe was never "whole".

I think I might be the opposite of holistic. I call it- realistic. 

Why I will never be holistic- 

* disclaimer- not all holistic moms are this way, nor do I look down on them- I'm just not one of them.*

I buy tampons at the store when I get a visit from aunt Flow. I do not use reusable /washable pads. Gag me. I do not like to attract sharks or dogs thank you very much. 

I had a c-section. And no matter what they say those home birth, no epideral mothers will always look down on it. And find some reason to deem it unnecessary .

I take Ruby to the dr, she gets vaccinated. They will tell you that you poison your kid. 

They will talk about how wonderful a natural birth is and how empowering it is and you will cry to your husband about how bad it sucked to have a c-section. (Trust me, I earned my badge) 

They will talk about oils and ways to treat different things with them and I wonder if my vegetable oil in the cupboard can do that because I am clueless and those oils are expensive!

I like doctors and modern medicine, they think it's evil. 

They believe in home births, I think they are incredibly scary and risky. Plus I do not want to sit in  a pool of my birth junk. Barf. 

They don't drink pop, diet coke is my slice of heaven. 

Now don't get me wrong, I think

Some aspects of holistic parenting are really interesting an awesome. Like I enjoyed reading breast feeding tips, best car seat tips, and how to help a baby sleep tips. But I realized on a bash post about the doctor who delivered Ruby (who I loved) that I will never fit in with those "whole" mamas because I am a "half" mom- half crazy that is;) 

It all comes down to the fact that everyone has a different parenting style, and where I might make Ruby's baby food, and breastfeed but I am not a holistic mama- it's not my style. But I do what's best for Ruby because she is my world and I have  a great gift called mothers intuition that I use everyday. Just like every other mom. If you clothe diaper- great! More power to ya! But you better think the same when I put a disposable diaper on my baby- because while I might be adding to the landfills, I am saving my sanity. If I try to live up to all the expectations every different mama has, I will pull my hair out. So I am my own kind of mama. 

Stay sane mamas. Do what you have to! What do you do to stay sane everyday?