6 years ago today..

6 years ago today- Reese asked me to be his wife! I cannot believe our 6 year anniversary is coming up- it still seems like it should be our 6 month mark!

Falling in love with Reese was something I never expected to happen- I had other plans. 

From our first date I knew he was something special. He was different from the other boys I had dated- and that scared me. 

Reese always stood out to me- he was such a hard worker, he really respected me, and he never let me pay for a single thing when we were together. 

He knew falling in love with him wasn't my plan- and he was patient with me. He was patient with me up until the day I knew I had to tell him right then and there that I loved him so I drove to island park- and walked a mile in the snow to tell him in person! (That is a good story haha) 

I was 19 when we got married, he was 22. People always ask me if I regret getting married that young- but I never have- not for a second. 

Contrary to what people might think- I didn't miss out on my college years, or my young adult free life. In fact, it was just 10x better to do it with the guy I loved! 

Back then we were running on love and macaroni (and hot dogs). And now our dynamics have changed as we have added Ruby (and penny) to our family.- and I couldn't love my little family anymore! 

I'm so glad I said yes that day Reese Hawker asked me to be his wife- because he makes me a better person!! He makes me so happy, he is the best daddy, and he works so so so hard to provide for our family so I can stay home. 

So when people ask if I ever think about what I missed out on by getting married so young- I tell them "no, but I do think I about what I would have missed out on if I wouldn't have gotten married"

Anyone else a teenage bride?? 😂

Passion Week

Last Sunday I shook the hand of an apostle of the Lord. 

An experience that I will never forget but I need to write down so it won't fade. 

Jeffery R. Holland of the quorum of the twelve apostles came to my father in laws stake. (He is the stake president) 

And we were invited to come. I pulled out all the stops and packed Ruby a killer diaper bag full of activites and treats, hoping she would last the entire 2 hours! 

 

Before the meeting, I was able to shake Elder and Sister Holland's hands. Sister Holland stopped and talked to Ruby. 

"What's your name?" 

"I'm Ruby!"

"How old are you?"

"I'm two.." (Holds up 5 fingers! Lol)

She was talking to Sister Holland as if she were a friend, or a grandma. Ruby can be bashful but she was so comfortable with this sister.

It touched my heart. Sister Holland radiated with the love of Christ. 

We were priveledged to hear from both Sister and Elder Holland.

Sister Holland is amazing. During her talk there was something that struck me deep. And in the talk she said "I know my husband is an apostle of God because I hear him pray."

Wow. What a simple yet powerful testimony of the work of the Lord. 

Elder Holland talked about prayers being answered and also about passion week. Passion week being the week that Christ was betrayed, and crucified but also resurrected. 

I felt as though he was speaking directly to me at some parts in his talk. The Spirit was testifying to me that Elder Holland is a true apostle of Jesus Christ. 

He talked about trials, and hardships that the Lord faced but also the trials and hardships that we face. 

He related passion week to our lives. The bad always comes before the good. We must endure trials and tribulations to get to the good part. The Lord will always give us what we want and we need, it may not be in this life- but the blessings and promises from our Heavenly Father will be fulfilled if we have faith. 

"This is the church of happy endings" Elder Holland

Just as Christ, we have to go through trials and heartache to get to the ressurection. 

So if you are going through a trial, remember that our Savior has suffered for our sins and for our trials. He loves us and will walk with us to get us to our happy Ending. Turn to your Heavenly Father in prayer and ask for comfort and guidence, and remember that Elder Holland has promised us-

The bad always comes before the good .

"Because he was alone, you don't have to be" Elder Holland

Happy passion week 💕

Messy Bun Moms

I ran to Walmart tonight to grab a few last things for Easter dinner and our Easter egg hunt. (Rookie mistake- I know)

And I seriously looked homeless. But I needed to run to the store before it was Ruby's bedtime, and so I just decided to go and pray I didn't see anyone I knew. 

Luckily I didn't see anyone, but I was slightly embarrassed that real people (outside my family) saw me looking like that. 

And when I got home and actually looked at my appearance in the mirror, I was beyond embarrassed and then hoped no one paid attention to my sloppy look. But chances are, I'm going to be on people of Walmart tomorrow. 

You don't believe me huh? 

I took proof.

(Ha look at my T. rex arm )

And if you could see my pants(I use that term loosely since they were yoga leggings) - they were covered in diaper rash cream, dirt and

Ruby's snot. 

But then I got thinking about why I looked the way I did, and I began to smile. 

My hair was a mess, because I dedicated today to a work day around the house and yard. I didn't need to impress anyone. Ruby actually had a matching black head band and a messy bun. She wanted to look like me. (She thinks I'm pretty cool lol) 

My cheeks were red because I had spent the entire day outside in the sun working and playing with Ruby. 

My "pants" had peices of weeds, and dirt on them because I had been on the ground outside helping Reese build Ruby a trampoline for Easter. 

The diaper rash cream was because I was being mom and chased to toddler who was running around the house with a naked bum and caught her before she rubbed the cream all over the carpet, hence the butt print on my "pants" 

The boogers- well I'm a walking tissue. 

The bags under my eyes- we have been working nonstop trying to get our yard presentable for Easter dinner. Oh and the bags may be permentant because I have a toddler. ;)

The stickers all over my shirt were put there by Ruby while I was trying to keep her busy late night grocery shopping. So she didn't have a meltdown. 

So I guess I didn't look homeless. I looked like a mom. A mom who has been working in the yard all day, who has been playing with their toddler. 

So next time you see a mom in the store in yoga pants, and a messy bun. She isn't lazy. In fact- that is the uniform of a hard working woman. She gives and gives and her needs are totally pushed to the side. 

She has worked hard, and has played hard. 

Don't let that worn out look fool you-

She loves what she does. 

So when you see her singing wheels on the bus as she is pushing her toddler through the store, give her a high 5.

Cause messy bun moms-

They are rockstars.

Don't just react, interact.

Some people on Facebook live for the "likes". How many likes with this status get, or how many likes will the lastest selfie (that I filtered the crap out of because I look like a zombie) get?

Sally liked your photo. 

Sami liked your status. 

See a status- click like 

Marsha likes your witty comment on an article. 

See a baby picture- like the baby picture (even though you don't remember the kids name or how you met his mom for that matter.)

Like. Like. Like. 

That's it. 

Or is it? Now you can show a little more emotion and react to a picture. You can be sad, angry, love it, Etc.

There is emotion back in the

World of Facebook again. (Insert sarcasm here)

We might as well be robots talking  to robots. "Oh your grandma died- I don't know what to write, so I am going to react sad to your post"

Can you imagine if you were out in the real world and you were talking to someone and they would soley use their facial emotions to talk to you? No words.. Just a thumbs up or an angry brow thrown in the conversation every once in a while. 

That's how babies communicate. We are grown adults and all we can do with all the time we waste on FB is to "react" to people's posts. Gag me with a spoon. (Now that would be an appropriate reaction!) 

Remember the keyboard you have on your phone, no no- not the emoji keyboard you added in- the keyboard that came with your phone. The alphabet? There is a song? Is this ringing any bells?

Oh good- you found it. We are intelligent people, so why in the H are we going back to cave drawings to communicate. 

Now don't get me wrong, I love emojis- and I use them to enhance the SENTENCES and sometimes PARAGRAPHS that I text to people. Don't be shocked, people still type things out- stay with me. 

And sometimes I get lazy and reply with an emoji... It happens. 

And I'm not totally against the reaction thing on FB but if you are going to feel sad about my dog getting hit by a car... Use that little box that says "write a comment" and write one! If you love my photo- tell me why! 

I have a love/hate relationship with FB. Sometimes being a stay at home mom can be lonely and FB is a good way to stay in touch and feel like you are an adult for once- but lately- I have been having better conversations with my 2 year old than I am on FB. 

Why I am ranting? Mostly because it is my blog, and I want to. 

But also to challenge anyone who reads this (and pass the challenge along!)....

I challenge you for the next week, when you react to something on FB (of a Facebook friend)- comment. Tell them why you are reacting the way you are. Ask them a question, compliment them, etc.

But for the love, don't just "react" or use an emoji as an easy way out you hipster caveman (or woman). 

Communicate. Life will be happier if we spend a little extra time to know people we care. 

Interact, don't just react. 

Sunday Thoughts

A few months ago- I made a post about faking it to make it. I was somewhat vague in what was happening in my life, and the in another post a few weeks later (The Real Me) I exposed my life for what it really was, not how it looked on Instagram or Facebook. I felt so vulnerable posting about my life, but it was very healing in a way. I got the sweetest messages from friends- friends who didn't know what I was going through, and friends who did but didn't quite know what to say.

*A little side note* I have learned these past couple years that if you know someone is having a hard day, or going through some rough trials and you don't know what to say- it's okay! I am honestly the worst with words of sympathy sometimes, I just make awkward jokes or I am the person who says "it's so good to see you" at a funeral. But really- it's the thought that counts- so message them, call them, invite them to do something- embrace the awkwardness that might follow and just let them know you love them! And are thinking about them! 

Okay, back to my original thought. 

After posting, and sorting through some things in my life- I began to think I was on the road to healing and my life becoming somewhat normal again. But 2016 has proved to be a real B. (Honestly that's the best way to describe it)

I once again had to put on my bright lipstick and fake it to make it. 

It's been a rough couple of months, but I became fake again- to avoid being vulnerable to those not closest to me in my life. My IG has been filled with mostly rainbows and butterflies, and my face has a permanent smile in public. But once again.. When I am home... I am in shambles. Shambles which Reese picks up and puts back together just in time for me to break again. 

This brings me to my story of today and what I was so compelled to share with you all. 

Today was once of those crazy mornings before church, where we were late, where I thought walking to church in 4 inch heels was a good idea, where my toddler was naughty in sacrament meeting- and after a grumpy morning I was ready to throw in the towel after sacrament. In fact, I even asked Ruby if she wanted to go home. (Terrible mom Oscar right here)

And she told me "no mom, I need to go to nursery." 

What a sweet example she was to us today. She must have known I needed to be in relief society for purposes beyond fulfilling my calling. I needed to hear the lesson. The lesson was wonderful and I felt so spiritual fed, but there was a comment made by a newer sister in the ward that has stuck with me all day, and I hope it will forever. 

"Faith it till you make it!" 

I hurried and typed it up and make it something cute to go on my screensaver of my phone so I would always remember it. 

What a sweet simple thought, but so powerful. We all have more than we can handle sometimes in our life on our plate, sometimes it might be juggling family life with work life, a death, trials, tribulations, temptations, struggling to fulfill a calling, or just a bad day. But if we put faith in the Lord in all things- we will make it, and we will come out of it- we will come out of it better than we went into it. 

So will life gets you down, let the Lord take over- and things will work out. 

It turns out I needed the Lord to make it, not lipstick.