Last night after a night shower I forgot to brush my hair leaving me with some crazy bedhead. I'm talking the type of bedhead that needs 4 different products and 30 mins of straightening to "fix". I wasn't in the mood today- I was just running errands so I attempted to pull it up. Epic fail. It was so crazy bun and kinky hairs piled on top of my head.
I thought to myself "messy buns are a thing right?"
So I decided to work with it. I hair sprayed it till there was a hole in the ozone and a film on my counter tops but it was t going anywhere. I added some hot pink lip stick to accent and decided I was going to fake it to make it.
(Disclaimer: normal pics are difficult for me to take)
I did it, I went and ran my errands and kept my head held high- while possibly looking like a nut job- but I did it.
I've gotten good at faking it to make it. Not just with a messy bun but with my life.
I've even thinking back on the past year. And it sucked. Of course I am blessed, so so blessed but that doesn't take away from what the last year has been.
Some of you close to me may know the details of my bad year, but most of you may have never known how down I have been- faking it to make it. I don't want to be "that" friend who endless compains on FB, posting sad quotes and vague jabs at people or things. It's not that I don't want to talk about it, because I do. In a way- it is healing. And because I know my husband, sister, and close friends probably want to pinch my head off when I talk about it. But I don't feel like I can- it doesn't just involve me- it. Involves people I love, and because I know that no one will ever feel or understand what I feel.
Sometimes I want to write a book- get all my feelings, thoughts and whatever the heck I want to say out there- to get it out of my brain.
I want people to know reasons why I might be snappier, or more sad than normal- I want people to know why I start bawling in public when someone says just the right (or wrong) thing.
But really, the truth is, I'm not ready to broadcast my public life to the world- so I will continue to be vague, and to fake it till I make it.
