Half Truths

Life in 2018 is interesting, it’s hard to deal with personal matters in a private way because they seem to be posted all over social media. But even if they are posted all over social media- the whole story is never there. I might post a picture of my daughter at swim lessons, but what you don’t know is that I also discovered at swim lessons that my yoga pants were on inside out all day. 

While this is a funny (very real) example of how half truths get posted to social media- there has been one recently that has been posted to social media, that impacts my life in a significant way. 

I tried to ignore it, but it’s not going away. And now everyone in the town of Blackfoot and the moon have been notified of it. 

It’s hard for me to talk about for a few different reasons. First, I don’t exactly know how to navigate the situation myself.  Second, I know that people will never fully understand how I feel. Third, it’s hard for me to talk about, just thinking about it makes my anxiety hit the roof. 

I’m not posting to hurt anyone, but I am posting to protect and explain myself. 

My parents are getting remarried to each other. Please don’t congratulate me. I wish with all my heart I could be excited, but I am not. My heart hurts. Things are complicated. They have been divorced for almost 4 years and while others look at it and think it resembles a happy ending in a romantic comedy- I look at it and see all the pain that had been caused the past 4 years along with the loss of trust and they want to wave it away with a magic wand- which sadly it doesn’t work that way. 

I don’t see my parents, I don’t even talk to them if I can avoid it. I don’t see that changing anytime soon.  

And I don’t expect you to understand, I don’t except anyone to understand - even my siblings and I all feel differently about the situation. 

My way of dealing with it might not make sense to anyone, and sometimes it doesn’t even make sense to me. Sometimes I handle it well, and other days I’m completely falling apart- so that tells you right there that my cooping mechanisms are far from perfect. 

I know some people in the world wished they had my trials, and I recognize I am very blessed. Which is why I have to take a step back from things or else my anxiety gets the best of me and I forget how truly wonderful my life is. 

Right now I have chosen to focus on my little family. I have two little girls and a wonderful husband  who need me. And they are my priority. And I pray that one day I will be able to sit down for a meal with my parents and be able to laugh and talk like we did 4 years ago, but truthfully the thought of doing that right now makes me want to vomit.